Xavier has taught me many things but one of the hardest lessons has been letting go.  Today I write while in a quieter home, notice I said quieter and not quiet...we still have two little ones making lots of noises.  Anyhow, the home is quieter because Chris and Xavier have driven up to NC to do some advocacy work.  They are helping Physical, Occupational and Speech Therapists-in-training at Western Carolina University. 

It saddens me a bit because I remember the years of it just being the three of us...we used to love talking to the therapists and sharing our story together.  It was fun, kind of like a high for me.  I would become invigorated by sharing our struggle, knowing it would help others gave me a sense of purpose. Letting go of what "I want" and doing what is best for the whole family means me letting go of my "high" and putting my priority on the girls.  Especially Lucy who is in desperate need of SLEEP!! 

At 8 months old she still is not sleeping through the night and wakes up sometimes 10 times per night looking for mama!  Rearing two typically developing children along with a child with special needs is a big lesson in letting go.  In her short 8months of life, Lucy has learned to deal with many changes including the inconsistant sleep routine of three weeks in the hospital, two weeks in NC when daddy was in the field training and mommy had no help as well as the usual challenges of early babyhood such as teething (she now has four teeth)!  Needless to say, the only consistent sleep Lucy has gotten has been while either at mama's breast or in mama's arms.  Now mama is exhausted and is desperate for Lucy to sleep in the crib.

As I write this, I've been interupted 10 times by MaryElizabeth desperate for the attention all two-year-olds crave. Anyhow, letting go means missing out on some things but gaining others. I miss being with Xavier and Chris doing advocacy work and teaching therapists, but I am gaining sanity in the sense that my two-year-old and 8month old have both taken great naps today!  I have gained a sense of self denial in trying to let go of what I want and letting God's work be done.

To all you mom's out there, bless you in your endeavors of letting go!  My love to you all!